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Endless Jihad of being an Indian Muslim

By Dr. Nadeem Zafar Jilani

Indian Muslims are a blessed lot. Whatever they do, they get the rewards of Jihad. That is how the propaganda of Hindu right-wing goes.

For example, if they burp loudly after a sumptuous dinner, they are polluting the air of Virat Hindu Rashtra for the detriment of its first-class citizens. This pollution Jihad (and I am not mentioning another act that our maulvis are good at) is deliberately done. Even their breathing has a pattern. They exhale extra carbon dioxide on purpose after receiving instructions from their handlers from across the border. Yes, at times the propaganda gets as ridiculous as that.

When they do not send their children to school despite it being a religious obligation to acquire knowledge, they are part of a sinister design to derail the path of progress of India under Shri Narendra Bhai Modi. When they do, it is also a kind of education jihad to subjugate Hindus. Ah and getting into the elite exclusive Brahmin/Hindu Upper Caste club of Civil Services…That definitely has to have some ill intentions!

Their burning of the proverbial midnight oil to gain success at the competitive exams has to have some connection with the oil of Gulf nations.  What could be better evidence of their pan-Islamic allegiance which the would-be head of NIA,  “Zahar Kiss-war” would like being investigated by none other than the top man himself? Like a jilted one-sided lover, trying to gain the attention of her “berahmi balama”, she is trying every trick of magic knowing pretty well that ritual sacrifice of the which “lamb” will ultimately please him.

The Jihad has other dimensions too, besides many that Sudhir Chaudhry of Tihar fame coined and after the backlash of the boycott in the Middle East did an elaborate “khutba” (religious sermon) on. When an Indian Muslim man falls in love with a Hindu woman, it is not romance or “pehli nazar ka pyaar” (love at first sight) with the girl in the college or next door but it is done with an aim to convert the girl to Islam and establish Muslim hegemony.   In other parts of the world, if a Muslim man indulges in an extramarital affair, he is committing a sin but an Indian Muslim gets plenty of reward for the same sin if the girl is Hindu, as this becomes a Jihad. Or so BJP/VHP would like you to believe. Interestingly when the Cupid strikes in reverse order and a Hindu boy falls in love with a Muslim girl, neither the girl gets reward for the Jihad nor the boy for winning a “dharm yudh”. Perhaps an example of misogyny and discrimination of women in Islam. And the poor Hindu boy, whose religion is not so generous as to rewarding his flirtations with the opposite sex of another faith. May be dharam-sansad should do something about it.

As the Muslim men are rushing to marry four women to produce 25 children to pursue “population jihad”, I am not sure why so many Muslim girls of marriageable age are waiting to hear the wedding bells. One explanation could be that they have taken Hindu wives as part of the Islamist agenda of love Jihad. But then there is no easy finding of a suitable groom for a  Hindu “susheel and sanskaari” girl either. Where have Hindu boys gone? Have some of them become “swayam seeks”, one wonders?

The struggle they face while trying to buy or rent an accommodation in a posh mixed-faith colony in India’s metropolitan cities is another Jihad. But when they are unsuccessful despite trying hard and decide to settle in the Muslim dominated ghettos, they don’t lose the reward of Jihad either. This bigger “ghetto jihad” of making many “mini-Pakistans” within India is more rewarding perhaps. Being forced to live in localities without proper roads and drainage facilities, where the government invests more on erecting police posts than making schools is such a spiritually liberating experience after all. Isn’t it?

We heard through media about “thook (spitting) jihad” to spread the Corona virus. That is why I say Indian Muslims are a blessed lot.  When others spit after chewing beetle leaves (paan) or tobacco (khaini) they do not get the reward of Jihad. But when a Muslim spits on the roads or makes a graffiti throwing mouthful of saliva (peek) after chewing “paan”, angels write the instant reward of Jihad in his book of deeds. Same goes with sneezing, coughing and even peeing in times of a Pandemic. After all, India is a “Daar al Harb” (Land of conflict) for them, as confirmed by someone from within the ranks in his insider’s story.  And that is why God is so merciful to them that He keeps rewarding them with the “sawab” (reward) of Jihad.

So next time while travelling on a train you see a Muslim child defecating in the open, destroying all that Modi Ji achieved through his swachh Bharat abhiyaan, know that he is doing it on purpose. It is not related to him being poor or lacking toilet at home like other boys his age but simply a show of his disdain for the “Daar ul Harb”, the land of the infidels. And this “potty jihad” is also being rewarded by God.

Goneare the days when you had to go to the battlefield or strive in the path of God to get rewarded for Jihad. If you are an Indian Muslim your mere existence is a Jihad.

Muslims, across the world, aren’t you envious of an Indian Muslim?


(Author is a UK based doctor, currently working in Qatar. Views are personal. He can be reached at

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